late night rambles

It is late so this will be short because one thing I have learned is that I am a much nicer mom when I get enough sleep.  I need to be more diligent on sitting down and writing on here.  I realize more everyday just how fleeting these days are and how I need to spend a little more time marveling at the beauty of motherhood.  It is hard, there are some days that by the end of the day I am 150% done.  Then I look at those sweet little faces and I sit in awe of the fact that they are mine and God has entrusted me with their little spirits to teach and mold.  That is perhaps what I lose as much sleep over and fret over as much as anything is I want so badly to teach them all that they need to know for this big world.  There are so many pitfalls that they can avoid if they will just "Hold to the Rod."  The older I get the more I realize just how vital the gospel is in everyday living.  That the simple gospel truths lead to happiness.

My little Maggie, my true romantic.  You go around most days singing a little song, tonight before you closed your eyes we sang "Whenever I hear the song of a bird" twice and then you hummed it before you closed your eyes.  You dress up daily in my clothes and love all things pretty and lovely.  You want to were comfy pants to school and avoid wearing your boots because you aren't as fast when you run.  Your PE teacher told your dad the other day how beautiful you were, but they thing that made me the most proud is she told him that you are kind to everyone.  It made my heart so happy.  I pray you will always be kind, always be vivacious, a leader, a doer.  You are in charge.  We cut your hair short, today on the way to church you told me you wanted three wishes, 1-to be a fairy and a mermaid, 2- to have hair as long as Rapunzals, 3-I think was to be able to fly.  You got a ring pop for the first time in your life for your birthday and you thought it was wonderful.  I know it may be a mom fail that you have never had one but we have had more than a few teeth issues:)  Today you came home and made brownies, and they asked if we could please also make gingersnaps, you are my sweet tooth!  You built a fort in the middle of the kitchen floor and asked me more than a few times to please make you some curtains for your fort lol!  When we were in Fort Worth you wanted to just have a daddy and Maggie date, and also to sit in the benches down by the river.  You are smart, and extremely bull headed!  You refuse to eat school lunch, (I don't blame you).  I love you Maggie, more than words can say.  I know at times I am hard on you, I'm learning how to do this mom thing too, and sometimes I stink at it.  I bought balloons for your birthday.  You and Garrett have had a ball, I mean a big and mighty time filling them up with water.  The other night I was painting and came out of the mudroom to find water balloons popped on the carpet, in the bathroom and in the kitchen.  I wasn't happy.  Every towel in our house was wet.  I made you and Garrett help clean up.  I'm pretty sure you thought you had the worst punishment in the world.  We are working hard on trying to be kind to one another and say things nicely.  I promise this will be something you will be glad you have mastered in life.

Garrett, you are my true blue little cowboy.  You wake up and think about cows, you dream about them in your sleep, and your playtime consists of nothing but cattle.  Today you hooked up two trailers and spent a good hour hauling all your bulls to get their semen collected.  You are your dad's right hand man, you sort, help brand, mix up milk for the calves know as much about cattle as most grown men.  You walk around the barn yard like you own it.  You tell quite the yarns lately.  You love to tell stories about flying coyotes, all the cows you worked, and "when you were little."  You are the kindest hearted child I have ever met.  If I spank you, which you do get spanked more than the average child, you tell me I broke your little heart in two.  You are a fierce protector of Jack, but you also beat him up.  You LOVE, your toys and spend hours sorting, working, branding, and hauling them.  The feed store is your all time favorite place and that is the greatest reward that can be promised.  I'm pretty sure that we own everything that they carry in their inventory now.  You love your dad, more than any child I have ever seen you love your dad.  You go with him and cry if he leaves you.  The other day you burned your coat on the branding pot, I still have no idea how you didn't get burned.  You love Momentum, the South Pasture, and 108 and you talk about them all the time.  You will tell me it's 120 cold outside, and you gage everything on some type of scale like that.  You will tell me cow numbers and you truly believe in your mind that you know.  You love to wear your spurs and your cowboy hat, and you tell people all the time that you are a real cowboy.  You have NO FEAR of anyone and you know no strangers,  you go up and talk to everyone like they are your long lost friend including adults.

My little Jack Jack, how have you got so big, my little baby has turned into my busy climbing, cupboard emptying, garbage hoarding, vent filling child.  You are into EVERYTHING!  You climb on EVERYTHING!  You cry quite loud when I move the chairs so you can't get on top of the counter and you love to yell "Ma" at me.  You are my little side kick.  I have a dry spot on my side that had me quite worried.  I couldn't figure out why it was there and I knew I hadn't always had it.  I googled it several times and read a gazillion reasons as to why it may be there.  Then it dawned on my one day it's because I always carry you there.  You don't sit like a normal baby you balance on my hip with your knees or your feet lol you are a little character.  I love to watch you toddle around.  You love to go, try on everyone's shoes, ( you have put on Maggie's roller skates several times the last few days ), and you are getting to the point where you won't hardly settle down for a nap.  Garrett has a bad cough so John stayed home with him today while I went to church to teach my lesson and I left you home.  I faced time him when I got out of church and you looked at the phone and teared up and said MAMA, it about broke my heart.  I'm not quite ready for you not to be my baby.  I have loved being a mama and I'm not ready to have this little one part of my life done.  Right now if I am sitting in a chair you pull on my finger and make me move and then hurry as fast as you can to climb up to the table.  You insist on eating by yourself and you are actually pretty handy with a spoon and fork.  You take ahold of your Daddy's finger and pull him to where you want him to be.  You have got so you like to go and sit next to him on the couch and it tickles him pink, it is pretty darn cute.  I love your little dimple smiles and your happy giggles.  You are my sunshine, my worry wart, my little perfectionist.  You know who and what belongs to whom and where and it worries you when things like that aren't quite in order.

Johnny I love you, everyday I love you a little more than I did before, how time has flown.  You have blessed my life so much and I feel so complete with you by my side.  How did I find you.  We seldom sleep in the same bed and try to find little moments to spend together.  You carry so much weight on your shoulders and I worry about all loads that you bear.  You still are one of the kindest and most endearing men I know.  I like you just as much as I love you!

All the girls are home this weekend and I must admit I am a bit jealous.  They are working on our plum bum!  JD died, his funeral is tomorrow and they are all going to go.  What a great man who touched my life.  A dear friend, and true disciple of Christ and someone who taught me so much in how to treat others.  I will miss him, I really loved him and appreciated him so much throughout my life.

I am going to go off to dreamland now!

Sweet dreams,

Jeannie

Late Nights

Johnny G is up pulling a calf.  Right now 7 years ago I was waiting to hear that he had made it to Beaver, UT so that I could marry him.  What an awesome 7 years we have had.  They have been the fullest and happiest of my life.  I have LOVED married life.  There is craziness in all of it but as a whole having someone by your side who has your back day in and day out is the most amazing and comforting feeling you can have.  I love him more now than I did that day so long ago.

Our babies have defiantly added to the happiness of my heart.  How have they got big so fast, Mags just lost her first tooth, it made me cry.  I remember all so well when that little tooth first popped through just like it was yesterday.  She is such a little helper to me,

My little man is just that, he is no longer a little boy but is turning into my sweetheart.  He tells me "mom I love you," everyday.  He told me tonight he was going to marry me when he grows up and when he said his prayers he told Heavenly Father I love you so much!

We have had the flu here the last few days.  They have been so sick with high fevers and terrible coughs.  Garrett coughed so hard tonight he threw up on my lap and all over him.  The poor little guy.

I will be relieved when they are better.  Maggie had a fever last night of 103.4 under her arm, to high and to scary.

It has been crazy this holiday season but there has been a lot of fun to.  The kiddos loved Christmas and all it entailed.  There is a magic that comes with little ones.  They play so well together.  Little Jack Jack is in to EVERYTHING right now, EVERYTHING!  I am trying each day to just cherish there little hands, their smiles, their happy little light that shines because I know all to soon I will miss these days.  We are working like crazy to get everything done for Denver so sometimes there are way to many toons, the house gets way to dirty, and little hands and hearts get neglected.  I will be glad when I have all this done so I can just focus more on my littles.

Today I told Garrett he had to eat his pop tart in the Kitchen.  He brought it into his little someday maybe we will get it done play room and put it on a box and informed me that it was his own little kitchen and that he could eat in there.  Him and Maggie are a bit to smart for their own britches but pretty funny!

Dad came down for the sale and got the flu, he was to sick and it was to scary.  I love him so much, I hate the fact that he has to age and that time has started to catch up to him.  I make sure to call him everyday, to cherish the bits and pieces of time that is lotted to us all here on earth.  I don't know what I will do when he isn't there.  He has been such a support system and someone that I have depended upon so heavily.  I wish that I could be closer so that i could take care of him better.  One night here he was worried about some pain he had in his heart so I took him to the emergency room,  he was as sick as I have about ever seen him.

Tawnya finally had her little bambino, she hasn't even been able to go to the house because of how sick everyone has been.  Pretty much the whole family has been sick since Thanksgiving.  I can't wait to meet him!  Speaking of, we bought Rodney's mare Classy.  Garrett will say everyday that he is going to go and ride Rodney's favorite horse.

He and Maggie got a play horse for Christmas, they named it Sally and it is a mare, they both ride mares lol.  They played and played with it last night.

President Monson passed away last night.  What a sweet legacy he left of how to live our lives.  I thought of him crossing through the veil and seeing his sweetheart again.  What a happy reunion it must have been.

I am going to sign off of here.  I need to get on and write more often.  My babies days go by so fast and there are so many moments I would love to just bottle up!

Jack Jack says oopsie daisy, it is about as cute as anything in the world!

My messes mean I'm loved

I need to write in this more.  It just seems like all the little unimportant and important things take up my moments and my time.  I need to make time for this.  The little memories and laughter,  the first steps and the smiles.  Tonight I was feeling rather overwhelmed with everything and I stayed up a little later than usual and cleaned up the kitchen. One of Garrett's toy rosters fell into the sink, there was several pieces of onion skin on the floor from earlier when Jack decided to hit it and peel it and roll it, and have a joyful time with it.  There are spices scattered in various places throughout my kitchen on the floor of course because that is Jack's favorite drawer:)  I scraped off Maggie's plate of a large quantity of barbecue and mayo that she had created.  And instead of feeling overwhelmed I feel this wonderful sense of awe at the fact that all of those little messes are instead the real life proof that I have little people that love me and depend up on me.  All of our kiddos have been sick the last few days and poor little Jack has been super clingy and underfoot.  Sometimes I would do well to just slow down.  There was a quote from the General Relief Society that said, "Don't let your blessings become your burdens."  This is the day this is my life, my wonderful, beautiful, messy, crazy life.

My little Maggie Ann started kindergarten, can you believe it, kindergarten? Where did five years go, how do it go so fast.  She is so full of spunk, so full of life and everything it entails.  She tells me every night that I am her very favorite person in the world, my Maggie Magoo you are mine too:) I love you sweet girl.  I pray that I can teach her to be kind and have empathy.  She has a show pig up to the barn, her and Garrett LOVE LOVE LOVE to ride them.  She is so proud everyday when she comes home and shows me everything she has done.  Sending her to school was a big decision, I pray we made the right one.  I so badly want to teach her and mold her into being the woman she is destined to be, to help her know that she is a daughter of God.  Oh how I love her little soul.

Garrett broke his arm three weeks ago.  If there is anything he loves it is his dad, he idolizes John and everything he does.  They where riding in the pasture on a our fat, soft mares when Reba decided to buck, Reba is big, Garrett is small and the ground was hard.  John went off of Flossy trying to grab a hold of Garrett.  As soon as I saw him I knew his arm was broke.  I hate for him to go through anymore pain.  He really is such a good little fellow.  They had to put him under sedation to set it, it was broke and badly.  They wanted us to go out but the thought of leaving him alone and him being scared John bluntly told them no.  They had to manipulate it quite a bit to get it to go back.  We went in today and they cut off the hard cast and put it in a brace.  He will wear that for three weeks and then we will go back in for them to look at it.  He is a child that knows no strangers, he tells everyone "my name is Garrett Gilbert Griswold."  He will talk to anyone about anything and is quite the little fibber and story teller.  He has a fascination with guns at the moment, carries around a leatherman on his belt and dreams about more panels and chutes for his cows.  His favorite store in the world is the mill.

My Jack Jack, how did you turn one.  You have turned into such a little man, You are walking, you still love me unconditionally but the other day you held onto Maggie and wouldn't let her go.  You love your dad right now quite a bit to.  You hit Garrett with whatever you can find but would like to be doing whatever he is doing.  You giggle when and play and I miss you fast little speed crawling, you are getting so you hardly crawl at all and I went from having a baby to a toddler.  I wish that I could just pause time and make it all slow down and yet life and time marches on.

They are weaning at home right now, I would give anything to be there.  I miss home this time of year so much.  I love John, and he loves me, I'm really glad that we do because otherwise I don't know if I could stand not to be in Beaver, Utah.  I miss my family and my parents.  It bothers me not to closer to Dad, I worry about him so much.  What a pillar of a man that I am so blessed to call Father.  And my mom too, each day I am more grateful for the example of my parents and the way that they raised me.  I told Lori today I think I am a better wife because I have my sisters.  Three is quite overwhelming to me but I want Maggie to have a sister so bad, I don't know where I would be in my life without them,  they are my best friends.

My Johnny stays busy as always, how he does all he does I will never know.  He sent a load of calves to Poteau to French's today.  We also got a great rain, we needed it.  He called me and told me it was a $100,000 rain.  He stays so positive and is always thinking, I sometimes wish I could slow him down a bit but am ever grateful that he is mine.

I better head off to dreamland now.  I am a better mom with sleep and sick kiddos have left me lacking on it the last week.

Jeannie

One Year, how the time does fly

My little Jack Jack, how have you turned one year old already?  It seams like just yesterday you were my little tiny baby all wrapped up in a hospital blanket, so new, so full of wonder and awe and now you are my little chubby crawler who is ready to take the dishwasher and every open cupboard by storm.  I love you Jack, you are my little baby, I think that I have enjoyed you more just because I know how fleeting all these precious little moments are.  Tonight we sang happy birthday to you and when we said Jack, you knew that all the fuss comotion was about you!  You have four little teeth and your eye teeth are just getting ready to pop through.  You LOVE to be held and you are into everything.  You are  growing to love your daddy more everyday, you grin so easy for him and love to ride on the four wheeler.  You adore Maggie and she adores you, this morning she woke up and said, “How is our birthday boy?”  She packs you around all over and is such a proud little mamma of you.  Always stay close to your brother and sister.  The older I get the more I realize how precious these bonds are.  Of anything I can teach you and your siblings it is to love one another.  We have to get up early to take your brother to a dermatologist on his skin deals he has going on so this is going to be short.  Just know that you are my little sunshine, I have loved having you so much and I am so glad that you came to our family.  Chose the right always my little man, be strong and true just like your daddy and grandpa’s.  You will be walking any day. I just want to breath you in a little longer, keep you small for awhile.  Don’t blink, how the time does fly.  I love you forever!

Your momma

Oh how the time flies:) my little bambino is five months old. My love for him grows just a little more everyday. He is my smiling, happy, bubbly baby. I just want to keep him all wrapped up all the time in kisses and loves. I think often about the fact that he could be my last. I savor the moments, knowing that all too quick those chubby baby fingers will be slender little toddler hands. I have enjoyed my little jack. Maggie adores him. She loves to make him laugh, to hold him. She just flat out loves him.

We are all recovering from the stomach flu minus John and jack. John is getting it now and I'm praying jack doesn't. John stayed up all last night fretting about Maggie and I. He kept jack all night and I'm fairly sure he is running in zero sleep. Maggie was violently ill, she made me giggle more than once even for as si k as she was. She is hillarious. She was quite worried John would get sick and that Garrett would have to take care of us. She wants all the bad bugs out if her tummy. She loves the word freakin and used it multiple times.

John was a little short with her the other night. She told him it was okay because she knew he was under a lot of stress. The next night she told him she knew he wasn't getting much sleep. What a good. I'm going to try and get my little man to bed. He is wired tight

This morning I did Maggie's hair in pig tails. She looked in the mirror and said, looking pretty Maggie, looking pretty." She is so funny and so much fun. She was playing barbies tonight with one barbie and two toothbrushes. She has a vivid imagination. I love her so much. I would love to just freeze time. Garrett has gotten his baby chub back just a little. He is such a kind little fellow. He doesn't just love John, he idolizes him and wants to be with him always. We have one mean rooster right now that petrified the kids. They both scream loud when he comes around and if they are mean I threaten to put them out with him. It usually shapes them up pretty fast. Maggie prays at night that the coyotes will get him. He even has me a little voodooed. Tonight Maggie stood in the door and told John to shoot it dad, shoot it. Empathetic child:) Jack is growing like a weed. I forgot how little you got done with a new baby it also just how fun they where. He is a grunted and groaner. Prefers to be held. Looks nothing like my other two but oh how we love him!! Maggie is crazy about him. He is chubbing up and starting to make eye contact. How I love them. We sent heifers to Stillwater today from poteau, the craziness of fall has begun:( we leave tomorrow to go back to Stillwater, I wish not. I've had someone tipping my windows out, there hasn't been a good time to tell John. Pretty sure he's going to notice. So glad my babies live in the US. It is a scary world right now. I pray they will know peace. I e got my littles about to sleep. I better go catch the chickens and lock them up.

There is a corn on the cob sitting on the couch. My kiddos just went out the door to check pastures with John. Maggie was wearing a tutu and ballarina slippers. She changed into a striped shirt with leopard leggings and cowboy boots and Garrett is sporting cowboy boots and his underwear. They just came to knock on the window and show me the rainbow in the sky. I just changed jacks dirty diaper. The sun is shining

Love my babies

Well it's 10:00 and all the little ones are in bed except of our little Jack who is still trying to settle down. We have changed three diapers while his little tummy gets regulated. Tonight he is dressed in One of Garrett's onsies, it's hard to believe me little wild Indians where ever this small. It makes me almost cry at how fast they have went from my little babes to my small people. Maggie is so grown up. Today we had tea parties, and she talked to me in her finest English accent. We read books and tried to get the house clean. My little wild banche Garrett undid everything as fast as I got it done. He peed on my little sette and then wet his pants. The little pill. He wanted a diaper on. He is about potty trained and is fascinated with his Peter. Keeping underwear on him is next to impossible. He squose half a tube of toothpaste down the sink while washing his hands. Unmade the bed as fast as j made it and unfolded about a dozen blankets I had just folded. He makes it up to me with sugary kisses, I'm sorry mom and I love yous. He is the sweetest little soul I know. I am so blessed to be a mamma. He wakes up with a happy "it's morning" everyday. He is meaner than the dickens to Maggie. He pinches, scratches, and hits. He seeks her out just to torture her and crouched down and hunched over a little, he delights in it like no other. Maggie is my little helper. She adores Jack and can't hardly stand to leave him alone. He is her little real doll and she dotes on him, kisses and loves him. I have to watch her like a hawk because she is certain she is big enough to pick him up. Every night when it cools off a little the kiddos strip down to nothing and play in the hose. Their cute little dimples bottoms and screams of glee may provide some of my favorite memories of this summer. I never realized I could love so much. 

John has been swamped and every night seems to come in a little more tired than the night before. My heart is so happy with him. What a good man he is. Everyday I fall just a little more in love with him. Tonight I was watching out the window. He was worn out and his pants were covered in manure. You could tell it had been a long day, he was holding Jack and watching our two other hoolagans play in the kiddy pool. Tonight he is cuddled up in bed with both Maggie and Garrett. He is such a good dad and food husband. 

Utah is dry, really dry. I'm praying every night that they get rain. 

I'm off to dream land. 

Jeannie

Jack Wallace Griswold

Tonight I'm nursing our brand new little baby Jack. We are now a little family of five. My other two little ones are curled up next to their daddy and he is telling them stories of when he was a little boy. He is telling her about showering in the basement and how cold it was. Maggie is enthralled with when we where younger. I am so blessed. Everyday I realize just how much I have to be thankful for. I would like to capture these moments and never let them go. 

This time last year we where in the city with our little man Garrett praying for a miracle. How much has changed in a year. He is doing so well. This year we brought another miracle home from the city. 

On Monday I went down for an ultrasound and dr Deschamp decided that it was time for our new little one to come into this world. I had Maggie with me. She thought the birthing ball was wonderful. She bounced and bounced on it. John was working a bunch of calves from poteau, his last big project before the baby came. They worried the pulse in the umbilical cord was dropping to low so it was time. We got All checked in and joe came down and picked up my little sweetheart and took her back home.  Mom, grandma, and my aunt Caroline where flying in that night. How grateful I was to know they would be at home with my babies. At about 1:30 or so that morning our precious new little baby boy entered this world. I couldn't believe it was a boy, I was certain he was a Ruby. Maggie is so in love. We are all so in love. I will come back and write more. Tonight while my little Jack Wallace is asleep I'm going to close my eyes. How blessed I feel tonight!

I haven't let myself revisit a lot of the Boston memories from last year. Tonight marks one year since we flew out. I've looked through the pictures, and remembered the raw emotion of it all. How scary, how real, and how out of our control it all was. How blessed we have been this last year. How blessed we are to have our little family. How thankful I am for my husband and my children. How grateful I am for a Heavenly Father to love me enough to give me so much.  What a wonderful life it has been. I am going to start writing on here again. I had to step away for awhile. I haven't even visited our blog in over a year. The whole memory of it all was to raw. It's time. 

Tomorrow my mom, grandma, and aunt Caroline will fly back to Utah. How blessed I am to ha e such women as an example to me. They are the very essence of godly women. How I strive to live like them. They have been so kind to me and my little ones. My heart hurts to see them go. I've avoided saying the prayers while they are here because I knew I would cry and tonight I'm sitting here crying like a baby. How I will miss them. 

Our little Jack is growing. He is so much more alert now and opening his eyes. Oh how I love his sweet little presence in our home. Please Father in heaven, watch over and protect my babies. Protect this sacred life that I get to live. That is my prayer, each and everyday. 

Discharge continue...

Right when I was writing this morning Garrett woke up and then threw up. I debated for an hour before I texted john. He was really fussy last night but hasn't had anymore symptoms today. They are doing a transfusion now and I think we may still get to go!
Saturday Maggie and I went to get dinner and john took Garrett to the garden. He sat him on s chair and when he went to pick him up somehow his drain tube caught and pulled out the stitch and an inch or do of tubing. By the time the doctor came to look at it the drain was all the way out. I do think Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. We were freaking out, john claims he wasn't but he was. So far his body has handled the drainage really well. We do know there is still some discharge, he acts irritated quite often. He is still pretty pale and doesn't have much stamina but everyday is s little better than the one before. They have weaned him off of his tpn over the last few days and we are waiting for his last antibiotic treatment for the mrsa now.
The doctors are putting him on an antibiotic that they use on aids patients for his immune system. His levels are all about as rock bottom as they can get. He will take that until everything is more up to par. I think we will be working with an immunologist at primary childrens for the next while when we go home to Utah. They don't have a pediatric immunologist in the state of Oklahoma, just one more reason to move Johnny:)
Maggie is so excited we are going to be together as a family. I wish I could have recorded her when I told her we were all going to the motel together. If you could define glee that was her pure emotion! She asked if Garrett was all better and we could go home to our Oklahoma house.
Last night we went out to the garden. There was three little boys all under two, all had the familiar brown bag they use to hang the tpn under on the iv pump. They all had pic lines and all looked sick. It was almost surreal that just last week we were in the same spot, the same what ifs and wondering what ifs. My heart aches for them. How glad and thankful I am for modern medicine, for doctors that stretch the limits, yet how much you hurt for the little souls who are so sick. Hospitals are not a place where babies should spend their growing days.
Thank you to everyone for all the prayers. I told someone that even though I have told people I pray for them you never really realize how much it means until you are on the receiving end. I have felt your love and the sweet spirit of a Heavenly Father that I KNOW is mindful of me and my little family.

Discharge!!!!!!!

Well today is a day that we have wondered would really ever come!! The last week has been a roller coaster but the lows haven't been nearly as low and we have had many more highs. Garrett spiked a fever 9 days ago. He had had a really good night and was as happy as could be when he went to sleep. He'd ate a full thing of Cheerios and drank his fat free milk like a champ. At about 1:30 I could tell he was getting a fever. All of the night nurses have complained they can't get a temp on him in the night because he sleeps with his arm out away from his body and the thermometer won't register. I called the nurse and she said his temp was low enough she wasn't worried. As a mom when you lay by your child 20 out of 24 hours you know when something is amiss. He was too hot and too uncomfortable. I called her again a half an hour later and she retook his temp under the same arm. It was 101.5 so she brought in some Tylenol. He was livid by this time. Trying to get a toddler that is mad to take medicine in the little of the night is like trying to part the Red Sea. We got it down him but I could tell after about five min everything was coming back up. He threw up everywhere. They came in and changed the sheets. He has had a lot of anxiety when the nurses are in the room and by this point was a pretty sad little guy. The doctors ordered tests and labs and started him on antibiotics. About this time they started to worry about how anemic he was. We have been giving iron supplements for about a week now. The nurses are also having a hard time getting his pic line to draw blood. They had been taking it out of his tpn line. If they didn't flush well enough his numbers came back scewed and they would have to redraw with another waste and another draw. I'm sure they thought I was crazy, by now I'm pretty aware of certain things. I would tell them they needed to flush extra and they would just smile and do the regular flush. An hour sir so later they would come back in with scewed results. One day they pulled his blood three times. His little body couldn't keep up. Thursday night they woke me up at 3:30 or so to sign papers to give a blood transfusion. He was too anemic they felt to wait. We also did an ivig transfusion in Friday and will do another today. The fluid they pulled off of his belly came back positive for mrsa. This was my low day. I knew how mean it could be. John really felt like the antibiotics were working so we kept our chin up. By this point his drain had also went way down, like to 100 or less ml a day. His tummy was also looking good. It's pretty hard to get to excited because you start anticipating another set back and preparing for it emotionally. But they kept flushing his drain and it was flushing awesome, one day they pulled off about 260 but a few days later they couldn't pull anything.
Friday night john felt confident enough to stay with Garrett so I went to the motel with Maggie, to say she was happy was an understatement. She is like a little goat. She jumps and runs like a little goat. She has to run up every set of steps and see how fast she can come down every wheel chair access. She is our happy thoughts during all of this and truly out little sunshine. We take her baby buggy with us everywhere. If Garrett is lucky she lets him push it:)

Praying:)

Tomorrow is a big day and we are praying for a miracle to a Heavenly Father that can work out things bigger than what we can handle, bigger than what we can imagine. We are praying that somehow we will have a miracle. I have came to the realization that heavenly fathers miracles in this life are worked out by people with skills and talents, those who have refused to settle and have continued to push themselves to excel. Talent, knowledge, skill, the unknown and faith all work out a miracle.  One of our nurses came to say goodbye. Even here you know there are prayers being asked for our little family and for Garrett. What a comfort this has been. I don't know why it has never dawned on me before but last night I prayed for the other families here, the other little souls who don't know really what's going on or why. There are so many little ones that have sad little stories and their families are searching for the same answers and the same miracles. I pray they can find them. The hardest thing to add to my prayers is thy will be done. Yet with that I also have faith in a bigger plan than all of this. I know that Heavenly Father is aware of Garrett and if my family and one way or another it will work out.

Today was a happy, good day with lots of smiles from both Maggie and Garrett. It has been such a blessing to have Michelle here.  Going to miss her strength and presence more than I can stand. She has always been a rock for me to lean on and the older I get the more I realize how dependent I am on her and how grateful I am that Heavenly Father gave her to me for a sister.

Garret's drain has been causing a huge amount of pain. We are realizing it was his main source of discomfort. It plugged yesterday morning so they took it out last night. His little tummy is quite distended and I know it is uncomfortable but he is just glad to have it out.  He has been so much happier and active today. His center of gravity is scewed with the extra weight and he is terribly wobbly and weak but he was our happy soul today. They have a park here with big old trees, flowers, squirrels, robins, and sparrows. It is the happiest spot here and we spent a lot of time out there today, the sunshine, green grass, and blue skies is more of a comfort and healing power than anything I can describe. You need out of the four walls of a hospital.

Tomorrow they will replace the drain, do another lyphiocardiogram, and hopefully find area that they can do what is called schlera therapy to and shut off the source of the leak. This is plan b, Dr Lillis that is doing the procedure is very smart, confident and kind. I appreciate those talents more everyday. He is the first case in tomorrow morning. John took Maggie and Michelle to the hotel and is coming back here to sleep tonight.

Praying for tomorrow!!!

Jeannie

We have had a few up and down days, both emotionally and physically. Sometimes I find myself avoiding to just sit down and go through the emotions:) when we get sleep we are all happier, last night was a good night so hopefully a good day will follow.

Saturday and Sunday Garrett wouldn't let us pick him up. He would say bed every time you moved him and had a low grade fever, we couldn't seem to stay on top of the pain. Monday was a complete opposite, he wanted to go on his "walk" and then played awesome. Monday was my low day. With everything we have read most of the lymphatic leaks we have found are a sit it out and wait. They had finally put him on a bland low fat diet which does wonders for his spirit. His drain atomatically started to go cloudy. About 3/4 of the day they put him back to clear liquids. As a parent you just want to kiss it all better and solve the world. Dr Fishman told us there are to 100%  answers to this. There just isn't enough cases to know what works. We have been in Boston for two weeks now and many days it feels like we are regressing. His output is higher than it was pre surgery which gets discouraging.

The night before last he had no output. We have loved our nurses, and our night nurse was ecstatic. About 7:30 I changed Garret's diaper. It was saturated as where our bed linens. His drain was plugged. He was in a lot of pain most of yesterday. About 4:30 they came and flushed it. He had only had about 70 ml output all day compared to 1300 the day before. After the flush the pulled about 600 ml off in a two hour time period. They had also pulled all his Iv pain meds the night before last. They say the oral works a lot better and last longer, trying to talk your two year old into that theory at 1:00 in the morning is a little stressful:) he spits it back in your face and is determined not to take it. When he woke up for the morning we couldn't keep up with the pain. After he took the medicine we'd fill up the srynge and let him squirt it at john. He was pretty good when he was awake.

They did another ultrasound ( we had one on Monday also) there was to much fluid yesterday to tell much. He has a small cyst they are hoping to inject with a scarring agent to see if that will slow down the flow.

His drain is plugged this morning again and is leaking from the the placement site, they talked like they may have to replace it. His drain has bothered him more than the incision. I hope they can leave it alone. Today we get to be off of the tpn for 8 hours. They will still give him the same amount just in different intervals. They prick him a few times to check his sugar. He hates that. He is getting so he wants to be covered up with a blanket especially when the nurse is in the room.

We are still praying for a miracle. We have felt so much love through all of this and still feel so blessed for the sweet little spirits that Heavenly Father sent us. Excuse all the typos I write this on my phone and auto correct is only so good:)

Maggie is coming!

I have put off writing mainly because of the roller coaster up and down emotional days. We had surgery on Tuesday, everything went well. We woke up at 5:00 am to eat ice team so they could see the leak better. Garrett has loved going on walks here. He talks about it I his sleep. He woke up about 4:30 and I said walk and he was all about it. After cruising the halls a little we went and sat I bed, ate ice cream and watched toons. About 6:30 they came and got us, letting someone take your baby while they cry and beg for you will forever be one of the hardest things I think I will ever have to do. For seven hours we waited.  They infused his stomach with straight whipping cream once he was sedated.  They had to find cut about an inch longer incision. They did find the leaks, two places that were right where his last surgery took place. There is also a pocket of fluid accumulation. For the first few hours and into the night there was no leakage and we were ecstatic, about three thirty in the morning it started gushing out faster than it had before. We were sick. We are still praying for a miracle that it will stop.

Today is Thursday, we have had some hard nights with little sleep. They put in an epidural and catheter. The narcotic in the epidural made him itch like crazy. We are pretty sure he pulled his epidural drip out of place. It would drop and leak on you like crazy. His heart rate would stay at about 150-170 and elevate to 200. Before it had stayed closer to 100-120 and lower when he would sleep. Every time he would fall asleep he would jump and startle himself. We were not staying up on the pain. Last night they replaced the narcotic with Iv ??? But could not stay up with the pain. He was miserable. They face him Iv ib proven and a muscle relaxer. That worked wonders and for the first time since Tuesday he is comfortable with his heart rate down to 113 right now. He is sleeping sound for the first time in a few days. I think he is exhausted. They also gave him a suppository and he was able to go to the bathroom. I never thought I'd be so excited over my baby pooping.

I have loved our nurses. I have also hated with the exception on one our nurse assistents. They wake him up EVERY time the come to do his vitals. It makes me livid, especially when he is so worn out. I'm currently wearing his oxygen meter since he kicked it off and to avoid someone coming in.

Maggie is coming today!!! I can't tell you how excited I am to see her and hold her. My heart has hurt for her:) Michelle is flying out with her right now! I love my sweet family and all that they do!!

Garrett's output is tapering off but he has been on a fast since surgery so with nothing in his gut it should. His catheter gets to come out once he wakes up and they removed his epidural. He is very week, very pale, and very sore. Keep praying:)

My little man

Close your eyes my little man so sleep is yours to find
Now feel the sun upon your face and the prickle of the grass below
Hear the trickling of a stream and the summer breeze blow
Ride your trike down open paths no cords to hold you down
And when you find a muddy hole no longer will I frown
With small dirty hands and smudges on your cheeks
I'll hold you close the smell of boy and grass and dirt so sweet
And in your dreams of far away I hope they take you home
To story times and hide and seek through the hallways you once roamed
Dream of make believe with giggles and pretend
Where there are smiles and happiness that has no end
Oh my little man, my little baby boy
I'd give the world, my health, my all to bring you all this joy
I never knew I'd love so much or yearn so deep as i do for you
To pray that when the morning sun finds the morning dew
That God above will look below on this little man
And make him whole and strong and well just like I know he can
To let him feel the sun again and the grass between his toes
To run wild and free to the places little boys will go
So as he flutters off to sleep and dreams his andventourous plan
please God bless my little man

Tuesday surgery.

The last few days have been good days. Tonight I am vividly reminded that no matter how good the days are little boys don't belong in hospitals. They belong at home simply being little boys.  The doctors told us that they will operate on Tuesday. We really feel like we are at the best place we can be. Dr. Fish man is the best there is. Originaly it sounded like they would do surgery on his tummy and on his thoracic duct. They feel like his thoracic duct is sluggish and that is what is causing the problems. They had a special meeting where 25 plus doctors get together and talk about special cases. Usually just three or four a week. Garretts condition is unlike anything they have seen here, it just doesn't present itself like this. We are blessed to be someplace where they have the knowledge they do to handle it. After talking it over they are just going to operate on his tummy and pray it will all be okay. He is so smal that his views are also small, even if the first surgery just buys time. They will feed him a full cream diet the night before do it increases the chyle in his system and hopefully makes the leak easier to see. Also on a bright note after two weeks they let him eat!!!!!!! To say he was excited was an understatement! We fed him some macaroni, toast, and a graham cracker:) he loved it!

My family sent a box today that had everything I could think to put in a box to keep s two year old entertained. The best thing it had was all the love, thoughts, and just feeling of home wrapped tight inside. How blessed I sm to have the support system I do. I'm pretty homesick right now. I'd give anything to see the green pastures outside my window when I wake up. To shell the barn while I get a bucket of grain and yell to the horses to come on do we could get saddled up. I miss the mountains, I miss the ditches, the smells, the taste of the air, the people, everything, I just miss home, I miss my family.

Tonight is jacies wedding and little Maggie is in Idaho with the girls. I miss my baby and can't wait to take Garrett out of here. To see the two of them play! No more chords or beeps, no more needles or blood pressures. Just trikes and swing sets. Rolly pollies and grasshoppers. Kittens and chickens. Day in and day out plain boring life. I'm ready I yearn for it.  I pray that somehow our pleas to heaven will be heard, that our little family can be together, happy, healthy and whole!

Well a lot has happened and a lot hasn't happened:) on Saturday night we flew on a medic flight to Boston Children's. They have more technology and they are the best in the nation for genetic abnormalities. We ran a lymphangiogram hoping to find the source of the leak. It was a long four hour test. I think both john and I were confident they would find a leak. They didn't. What we do know is Garrett has done abnormalities on the left side of his lymphatic system. They also think his thoracic duct may not be working like it should causing backup into his system. Dr Fichman came in yesterday to talk to us, he feels like doing a surgery on his intestines and his thoracic duct would be probably the best approach. I don't think he feels like this will get better on its own. Right now there is about 1000 ml of output a day. They have a meeting every Wednesday where a whole team of doctors will review his case and make some decisions.

Garrett got to go to the playroom he loved it! He is also on a clear liquid diet so he is a Popsicle fanatic. After several days of nothing he thinks he is in heaven.

When they had him in for his last test they put in a new pic line that is a double tubes one so they were able to take out his other iv's. That has been really nice. He hated the saline going in and acted like it really hurt him. They haven't poked him since we got here. It is emotionally better on everyone.

Maggie is in Utah, she acts a little ticked at all this. I'm so grateful for my family al the help with mags and all the prayers. Through all this we find we are truly blessed.

My Maggie my love

Maggie ann, I'm getting ready to get on a plane and fly to Boston with Garrett. I am more than a little scared there are a lot of unknowns but hopefully answers waiting in Boston. I want you to know I love you more than anything in this world. I have raised you to be strong, never lose that. You can conquer the world. You come from a line of strong women, look to them for direction, for support, for strength. Always stand tall, stand true and know that if anything I've ever done you and Garrett are my greatest accomplishments. Being a mother to you has been the greatest joy of my life. Letting you go to Utah was one of the hardest things I've done. I knew how loved you would be but the thought of you clear across the country from me is almost more than I could stand. I love knowing you are with me day in and day out. I will always be with you, always. Hold your head high my little one, choose the right, and wise, and be kind. Always know how loved and wanted you are.

I love you,

Mom

24th

The 24thhas always been my most favorite holiday. It's the one day a year when everyone slowed down and enjoyed the sweet pleasures of living. This will be one 24th I will always remember. We sent Maggie home to Utah with Emily yesterday. To say it was hard is an understatement. I can't wait to just be mommy again. To find joy in the journey of kissing owies and finding monsters. Ready to be done with machines, monitors, needles, and tears you can't fix.
My love for john continues to grow, I continue to be grateful that he is my forever. He has worked tirelessly to get us into Boston. How grateful I am that he's by my side through all this. Right now we are waiting on a bed opening up. John has been researching our doctor, he is as good as there is so hopefully we will find some answers.

Garrett is getting so he hides under the blankets when the nurses come in. He wants nothing to do with any of them. The nurses here have been amazing. It makes me glad Birdy is a nurse, it means the world to have someone who cares on your side.

Right now they have him on octeotride which is a growth hormone inhibitor so Garrett if your short someday we are sorry. He is on tpn and lips which means all his food is Iv. They have him on a strong antibiotic and nexium. There are tubes everywhere. He has you kiss his little hand with the Iv better several times a day. We have had some hard days, really hard days. Today is a good day.

Right now it's just praying and waiting. The flow has slowed down. He is fasting 100% and that has been hard. He has been pretty angry he can't nurse. It was his one comfort.

Through all of this we feel so blessed for all we have. All our family fasted and prayed for him yesterday. Emily has been here all week. How blessed we are for family. When it comes down to it they are everything.

4:00 am labs

Your drain is finally working and we are waking up with dry sheets! I feel like we can measure your output a lot better. They have taken off about 450 cc in the last four hours. They are giving you more albium to replace what they are taking off in the drain. This is also when the run you roseferen, I doubt u spelled that right. You blood pressure is 96/39 so a little better. You are wide awake right now  and clapping your hands. It's it a pretty wonderful feeling to see you alert and happy. I'm only letting you nurse off the left side, you are pretty ticked about that. You are urinating better such is awesome because they won't have to give you lasix. You have a lot of itching on the backside of your diaper. We put cream on it, you had a wonderful time putting cream on everything:) I want to watch that tomorrow, it is pretty red tonight.